Who Ate the Tarts?
story and art by Jameson Currier
“But we’re gardeners, not cooks, “Two said.
“The Queen asked us to cook.” Five answered.
“For a special guest,” Seven said.
“The girl is not important,” Two said. “She has no Title.”
“It’s not about the girl,” Five said. “It’s about the Queen. The Queen of Hearts wants the tarts. She wants us to cook the tarts.”
“To serve to the girl,” Seven said.
“But we’re gardeners, not cooks,” Two repeated. “The cook would never let us near the kitchen.”
“It’s not her kitchen,” Five said. “It belongs to the Duchess.”
“And the Duchess would love to foil the Queen,” Two added. “She would never let us use the kitchen.”
“But the Duchess is not part of the game,” Seven said. “And together we outrank the King, so we can do what we want.”
“Then we don’t have to cook at all,” Two said.
“But you do,” Five said. “If you disobeyed the Queen, she could cut off your head, and if she did that, there would be no tarts. And if there are no tarts, there is nothing to serve the special guest.”
“But we are spades,” Seven said, “doesn’t that change the game?”
“The object is to win,” Two said, “Not lose our heads.”
So Two, Five, and Seven made one hundred tarts and an extra tart to serve the special guest, exactly as the Queen commanded. Since there was no jam in the cook’s kitchen, the gardeners used pepper. The cooked tarts were arranged on trays atop tables that were set up on the lawn in front of the castle. The gardeners were instructed to guard the tables.
The Queen of Hearts was entertaining twenty-nine guests, including the Duchess but not including the Queen and the special guest. The Queen wanted four tarts to be served to each of her royal guests, which included herself but not the Duchess, and three to the other guests. The special guest was to be served only one tart.
So who ate the tarts?
No one ate the tarts.
The Knave of Hearts stole the tarts when the gardeners chased the Mad Hatter away from the table.
And all of the tarts became evidence at the Knave’s trial.
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“Lost Treasures” is Jameson Currier’s ongoing project to rediscover, revisit, and illustrate his early writings.
